Wednesday, January 26, 2022

4 Things I Learned
In Therapy

 

Sharing a bit of my mental health journey & the benefits I found on going to therapy regularly

 
 
 

🙏🏾💙 It doesn’t always get easier - but it does get better 💙🙏🏾

My mental health journey hasn’t been easy. Not sure if that’s an obvious statement, or goes without saying, but it hasn’t. I’ve had many ups & downs, spirals, anxiety attacks, mixed with days where I feel so depressed I don’t want to get out of bed for any reason at all. And though I’m very thankful I haven’t felt many of those in a really long time, I don’t by any means feel “cured” or like those days are far away from me. I actually feel more equipped & ready to face them, should they come my way at any point in time.

Without getting to into too much detail, my mental health journey starts roughly over ten years ago. In high school. Going through a really traumatic & depressing time in my teens, I truly wanted life to be over & done with. I didn’t know how things would possibly get any better with everything seeming to go down hill. But, since then, I’ve tried & tried everyday to be better. Whether it be working out, or eating right, or even trying to get enough sleep. At one point, I even did therapy ten years ago to speak to someone about the feelings I was bottling up from my past. Though I remember feeling great to let it all out at that session & speak to someone, I never went back. Until 9 years later.

I recently started doing therapy again last year. And tbh, it was one of those moments like “Nothing else i’m doing on my own seems to be working, so why not give this a try again”. But, I wanted to do it better than before & I wanted to do it regularly. Really getting help or assistance with how I’ve been feeling & get a sense of what I need to change. It’s definitely an odd feeling opening up to a complete stranger about personal triggering events in your life - but it’s also kind of nice, as this is a professional stranger that doesn’t have any personal ties to you, or someone you know. Therapy has truthfully changed my perspective moving forward & i’m so glad I started going. It’s crazy because ten years ago I would have never thought I’d be even sharing my mental health journey online, much less in a blog post - but here we are! The stigma of mental health is breaking & the conversation is continuing.

Today I wanted to share 4 things I learned in therapy, as well as some resources that might help you as well. Therapy might not be for everyone, but it can be for most.

 

1.) Thoughts aren’t always fact

 

 

This one sounds tricky, but let me explain. Of course, if you’re thinking about 5+5 being 10, then yes - outside of your head, that thought is a fact. But if you’re thinking about scenarios that you can’t fact-check because
they haven’t happened yet - THAT’S when you need to remind yourself to take a step back & have a breather.


Thoughts are simply “mental events that pop up in the mind and are dependent on our mood.”. So the next time you start “preparing” yourself for the ‘end of the world because you misspelled a word in your email to your department manager & the president of the company on cc’ & now you think they’re going to fire you for being an illiterate baboon -
just remember that is a THOUGHT & not a fact.

 

2.) If you’re going to think of the worst case possible - don’t forget to
think of the best case possible too!

 

 

Idk about you, but most of my anxiety derives from multiple “worst case” scenarios I’ve made up with in my head.
It could be something as small as “Oh, my friends didn’t reply back to my invite? GREAT - they hate me & don’t want to be friends anymore …”, where in actuality - they replied to my invite in their head & just forgot to reply in the group… And even as I type this, THAT is the most probable case scenario because it’s happened plenty & many of times.
But as many times as it’s happened, my mind just automatically goes to the worst case possible.

What’s really helped me combat this anxiety is instead of only thinking of the worst case possible, I work myself down of 9 more possibilities. Each possibility I work down, I get more & more realistic. 9.) might be my friends don’t hate me, but don’t want to be friends anymore. 8.) might be they’re mad at me for something I did.
7.) might be they all have plans. And I continue working down the possibilities until I get to 1.) “Some can’t make that date, so we mutually agree to meet next Saturday instead, because that date works for everyone”. Giving myself that range of possibilities has helped me EXTREMELY! As silly as that may be to work out those possibilities in my head
like that, it’s really helped calm myself down when I feel myself “spiralling” again. Instead, I prepare me for any case.

 

3.) You’re not obligated to do anything. No seriously, you don’t HAVE
to do that thing you THINK you do

 

 

You know that task you’re dreading? Or that party you said you’d go to, but you only know 1 other person out of 22 people? You know you don’t have to go if you really don’t want to, right? No really! You don’t HAVE to go if you’re really dreading it! I know… 🤯🤯 A mind-blowing concept… It seems like such an easy, simple thing to do, yet everyday we’re faced with decisions we dread. And 7x out of 10 we end up caving & doing the thing we didn’t want to do, just to get it over with, or settle. Of course everyday tasks like brushing your teeth, showering, eating is recommended suggestions, but I’m not counting those. I’m talking about the things you assign yourself to do, because you force yourself to do them. Like maybe go on that coffee date with that person you’ve kind of been seeing & don’t have the guts to break it off yet. Or go to that family gathering with your moms side of the family you really don’t fancy. Or even keep going to that job you REALLY don’t like! Does that sound more familiar?

It seems everyday we force ourselves to do these “things” we actually don’t HAVE to do. Things we truly don’t have obligations to. And it took me a long time to work up the courage to recognize these things & tell myself “I don’t want to do this, so i’m not going to do this”. And again, It’s a lot easier SAID than done. At the start it was really hard for me to act on. But learning be more in-tune with how things make me feel & deciding what gives me joy & what
doesn’t - It’s truly changed my perspective on life.

 

4.) Being nervous isn’t always a sign of fear. It could mean you just really
really care - a LOT!

 

 

Did you know your brain cannot tell the difference between you being nervous vs you being excited?? Chemically, in your brain, you can not tell the difference. So whenever you feel nervous about quitting your job, or going for that promotion, or asking that person on a date, or even going for that audition - you COULD be nervous. Or - you could be really excited! I feel like that’s really helped me reaffirm my big decisions in life recently.

Another part of this that’s helped me is when you ARE nervous about something, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have all this fear building up. You being nervous could really be another way your body is showing you really care about this thing. More than just surface level of being nervous. Maybe you’re really nervous about getting that promotion, BECAUSE if you did get that promotion, you’d be so much closer to bringing down your debt & actually saving for that house. Maybe you’re really nervous to commit to that girl or guy you’ve been seeing BECAUSE you’ve been hurt badly in the past & you don’t want to go through that again - even if they make you the happiest you’ve been in awhile. Whatever the scenario might be - you might not be nervous. But you might just be excited.

 

Some things I picked up along the way of my Mental Health journey:

  • If you weren’t ready, you wouldn’t be getting the opportunity

  • Manifesting is just as important as planning

  • You’re failing yourself if you’re not also schedule time for you

  • Don’t be afraid of saying “No”

  • You don’t always have to be there for everyone

  • Sticking up for your boundaries gets easier over time

 
 

And there you have it! Those are the 4 Things I Learned In Therapy. Going to therapy really helped better my perspective on everyday worries I used to have. I feel a lot more confident & equipped to go about the world & face whatever it throws my way. Though everyday might not be the best, or worst - I’m more confident now that I’ll be okay. Therapy might not be for everyone, but it might also be for most. I believe a lot of people can benefit from opening
up & talking to someone.

There’s many resources out there to help you & different outlets to get help as well. Below I’ve also linked a few different Men’s Health websites you can view if at anytime you need a helping hand.

With today being #BellLetsTalk it’s important to have the conversation, but it’s also important to keep the conversation going. Whether you’re a person going through a mental health situation, or you notice signs of someone close to you struggling with their mental health, it’s important to educate yourself on the best ways to help someone struggling, as well as ways to help yourself. As speaking on Mental Health becomes more normalized, keep the conversation going by tweeting #BellLetsTalk & help spreading awareness for Mental Health. Make your action count!

 
 
 
 
 

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